Omdahl: Checking out the quirks of seniors
How much do you know about seniors? We call them seniors because nobody wants to own up to being old. So we don’t talk about old people even if they are. Nevertheless, they are a unique crowd.
Here is a test that will help you evaluate their quirks. If you get less than five correct, you need to visit a local nursing facility soon.
1. Why do folks eat supper earlier and earlier as they get older?
a. The cost of groceries may go up by six o’clock.
b. Food is addictive and they need a fix – now!
c. Dr. Oz may demand a reduction in calories on his next program
2. Why do seniors feel that the younger generation is going to the dogs?
a. It’s envy because they are no longer a part of the younger generationb. They think age and wisdom are correlativesc. They think rock music belongs in nursing homes.3. Why do seniors get more serious about church as they age?a. They want to be sure that they will get a Christian burialb. They recall some of the things they’ve done in lifec. Church on Easter and Christmas may not cut it with St. Peterd. God may not mark on a curve4. Why do they dress sloppier with every passing year?a. Nobody manufactures clothes that shapeb. They can’t find their size at the thrift storec. They think nobody cares so why should theyd. They want to fit in with the younger generation5. Why do seniors go to bed at 8:30?a. To save on the utility billb. There’s more sex on TV than they can handlec. The 10 o’clock news is the same as the 6 o’clock newsd. After playing bingo all afternoon, what else is there?6. Why do they dash for Arizona and Florida in November?a. To get used to the heat in case they got religion too lateb. It’s cheaper to wear the same clothes year-aroundc. Their long underwear wore out years ago.d. So they can better appreciate North Dakota7. Why do older folks think they are entitled to senior discounts?a. Society owes them for living so longb. Why should they quit chiseling just because they retire?c. They are saving for even rainier daysd. hey noticed that everything is overpriced8. Why do they prefer FOX or MSNBC for their political analysis?a. They are experiencing brain cell deteriorationb. They want their biases confirmedc. Thinking at any age is dangerousd. They no longer have time for detailed answers9. Why do they both oppose and support a balanced budget?a. They love Medicareb. Ambivalence is in style these daysc. Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds10. Why do seniors dislike “contemporary” music in church?a. This racket is not a joyful noise unto the Lordb. If God wanted contemporary music, he would have created people without earsc. Seniors can’t sing without melody
Lloyd Omdahl served as North Dakota’s 34th Lieutenant Governor of the state from 1987 to 1992. Previously he was a professor of political science at the University of North Dakota. He continues to write columns for newspapers across the state of North Dakota.