Environmentalist: The earth is warming.
Skeptic: Then why was my heat bill higher in January?
Federal Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke: But I saved the economy from disaster.
Senator Ingrate: That was last year. What have you done for us this week?
Scientists for an Orderly World: The world is flat.
Red River Valley Farmer: No doubt about it.
President Obama: We're going to have a 3-year freeze on spending.
Senator Pork: Then earmarks will get bigger than the budget.
Congressman Mike Pence (R-Ind): Republicans need to become more conservative.
Senator Barry Goldwater (at a Tea Party séance): Give it up! Nobody listens to that kind of stuff.
Sarah Palin: You wanna bet?
New Jersey Citizen: Are all of those crooks at the State Capitol going to jail?
Prosecutor: No, only the ones we catch.
N.D. Lottery Promoter: We need to make more money with the lottery.
2nd Lottery Promoter: You mean subcontract the whole thing to the Standing Rock Reservation?
Proud Greenie: The production of wind power increased 39 per cent last year.
Critical Spirit: It would have gone up more if they would have built closer to Bismarck.
Troubled Senior: The world is moving too fast these days.
Toyota Dealer: I couldn't agree more.
President Barack Obama: Yes, we can.
Republican Response: No, we won't.
California Budget Hawk: Let's release prisoners to balance the budget.
2nd Budget Hawk: That would be okay if we can put the burglars out on commission.
Senator Goodheart: We should double the child care tax credit.
Low-income Skeptic: What if you're too poor to have a tax to be credited?
School Counselor: We should not teach sex education in schools.
2nd Counselor: I agree. The best people not to tell kids about sex is parents.
Environmentalist: That Ted Turner wants to buy all of the buffalo in the Yellowstone Park.
Treasury Secretary Geithner: Next thing we know, he's going to have a buffalo ranch too big to fail. And what will the government do with buffalo? We already have more bull than we can handle.
Liberal: Cheer up! The Democrats could win the next election.
Conservative: They already did but don't know what to do about it.
Immigration Critic: We need to keep all of those undesirable immigrants out of the country.
Native-American: We were a little late on that one ourselves.
Dickinson City Commissioner: Dickinson needs to go on Central time.
Skeptic: Bad idea! More sun will just cause more cancer.