Rest homes could get into job creation
"Greetings, residents of the Lovingkindness Rest Home. I am the new commandant. You will find that I am not one of these softies who will respond to every complaint. I am an efficiency expert interested more in job creation than bingo games.
"Too many of you are here for the soft life. Well, that's over. From now on, everyone will have a job. The politicians can't solve the unemployment crisis because they have no jobs to offer. Small businesses create jobs so we are going to do our part to bring this economy back by converting the Lovingkindess Rest Home into a viable small business.
"First, we are going to clear out the recreation room and install work stations. Some work stations will make greeting cards and some will string beads. The work day will commence at 9 a.m. and end at 4 p.m.
"You may think you are too old to work. Poppycock! At age 75, Cecil B. DeMille produced the Ten Commandments. At age 80, Moses broke them. At your age, Satchel Paige was just getting into the major leagues and George Burns was starting a new show on Broadway.
"Now for a few rules. There will be no more texting in the hallways. Two doctors have been disabled by reckless texting. There will be no more binge drinking unless it is Kool-Aid. It's okay to let yourself go if you can get yourself back. We lost two residents last week. And please don't sit in rocking chairs unless you can get them started by yourself.
"If any of you are planning to get married, you should know that Medicaid will not pay for the cake.
"Jobs are not only important for the economy but they will give you a reason for living. You will wake up in the morning with something to do. Just to boost your will to live, here are a few other incentives:
"You need to stay long enough to get your student loans paid off.
"The Bakken formation may be discovered under your bed and you could become rich.
"Soon the earth will warm and you can get rid of those extra blankets.
"You need to see how the Fighting Sioux logo saga ends. Anyway, you want to hang around long enough to vote on the issue this year. (Vote as soon as the absentee ballots are ready because your vote will count whether you are still here or not.) And, if you really try, you could be here for Sioux logo votes in 2014 and 2016.
"Now I know that there are reasons to give up the fight. We're having another presidential election; the Minnesota Twins will be worse this year than last; the federal debt needs to be paid, and there are a few other minor inconveniences not worth mentioning. But when you have a job, you will be cheerful regardless.
"Yes, folks, we are going to have a great time here at Lovingkindness Rest Home Incorporated. Now let's get to work. "
About the Sioux Logo
First, the NCAA will permit UND teams to play in NCAA league playoffs but they may not wear Fighting Sioux uniforms. Second, the vote on the constitutional amendment to require UND to keep the Sioux logo will be in the November general election.